Top economic advisors dropped a bombshell on the smooth jazz community this week.  They warned that without government intervention, the smooth jazz community will be devastated by the end of the month, putting in immediate danger several cruises and the entire Christmas concert sector.  Without help from Congress, we can expect no new releases in 2009 due to the effects this crisis will have on record companies.  If these companies fail, the effects will be felt by everyone from the top executives (who will have to make do on their multimillion dollar golden parachutes), to the smooth jazz superstars, all the way down to street musicians.

As of this writing, Congress has not been able to agree on an emergency bill that would, in theory, revive the ailing industry.  Included in the bailout plan are provisions to subsidize concerts to entice the average smooth jazz fan (who are afraid to spend money on entertainment when they can barely afford to fill the gas tank, and who are forced to helplessly sit back and watch their retirement funds disappear) to buy tickets.  Also included in the plan is a government take-over of the recording industry, which would regulate that price of CDs.  One of the more controversial pieces in the deal is a voucher program that would allow fans to go on cruises that they could not afford otherwise. Proponents of the plan insist that it can be paid for by merely taxing the cr*p out of every music download on the internet. 

The plan has been met with a lot of skepticism, especially among the average fan who has watched his “upscaled and sophisticated” status dwindle away this past year.  A grassroots effort to save smooth jazz has risen from loyal fans across the country.  They propose a much simpler solution that includes:

• Travel packages that include hotel accommodations at Motel 6, carpool travel in Cooper Minis, and side-trips to a local brewery and NASCAR races.
• An army of volunteer fans who would house, feed and transport musicians while in their towns.
• A demand for a reduction in ticket prices.
• Large tailgate parties in venue parking lots.
• Food booths that sell beer, burgers and funnel cakes in venues that will not allow large tailgate parties in their parking lots.
• Door prizes that include gas cards, free sewing and gardening on a shoestring lessons, and admission to the popular seminars “How to Keep Your Sanity in an Insane World,” and “The Recession Diet – Lose Weight Eating Beans and Raman Noodles.”

The one point where this plan and the Government bailout plan agree is vouchers for cruises.
Next month: “How to Listen to Music When Your Power is Shut Off.”