“It’s a tough job, but someone has to do it.”  That’s what I tell people when I share my adventures in smooth jazz cruising.  A little over a year ago, I wrote about the perils of smooth jazz cruising after my first expedition on the high seas [Mind Your Head – Musings on My First (and Second) Cruises].  And while I did heed my own advice to mind my head this time on the 2007 Brian Culbertson All Star Smooth Jazz Cruise, it only took about 10 minutes to realize there is another hazard associated with smooth jazz cruising…

Food.  And lots of it.

We boarded the ship early.  Our staterooms were not yet ready for us, but we were strongly encouraged to head to the Lido deck where a vast buffet awaited us.  So our first official activity aboard Carnival’s Conquest was eating.  As we all cleared one plate after another, I thought, “Hey!  I should do a photo essay on food this week.”  So I took a picture of a scrumptious plate full of dessert.  That was the only photo of food I took.  I was too busy eating it the rest of the week.

It starts with breakfast… REAL breakfast… not Pop Tarts and Coke.  We’re talking about eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes, omelets, pastries, fresh juice… the kind of breakfast we all love but don’t have time to fix.  You even get to choose between sitting at a table in the dining room where waiters attend to your every need, or serving yourself at a buffet line.  The latter choice is always good if you like to load your plate with food, but are too self-conscious to ask a waiter for seconds.  And on those mornings where we found ourselves up before our friends – we reveled in the wonderful Hobbit invention of “second breakfast.”

Next is lunch.  This can be a multi-process event.  Let’s say you find yourself with nothing much to do around noon, so going through the lunch buffet seems like a good plan, but you realize that since dinner isn’t until 8:30pm, that you might need some food re-enforcements sometime around 4:00pm.  Never fear… there is never a time of day (or night) on the Conquest when you can’t find something to eat.  So we instituted “second lunch” as well.

After a hard day of tourist things, artist interviews, sitting in the sun, and concerts, we were usually famished and looking forward to dinner.  Dinner is a very special event on a cruise ship.  You don’t want to miss it.  On two occasions we donned our formal attire.  Once we dressed up for a Mardi Gras celebration.  One night was “home town” night, and we wore something to represent where we are from.  One night was “pajama night” – a very strange occurrence where you sit in front a formal table setting  and are served a four-course meal while wearing pajamas. 

Any sane person would call it quits now, but no… after the midnight jam it’s time for a midnight snack.  You don’t want to mess up your “eat something substantial every two hours” routine.

And if that isn’t bad enough, there was the chocolate buffet one day.  I’m telling you, it’s a tough job, but someone has to do it.  Someone has to be there in order to write a review of the whole thing.  Let’s just say that we were all grateful that disembarking is a down-hill process so we could just sort of roll off the ship.

- Elizabeth Ware