It's a brave new world out there. I know it can be scary… all
of this new technology and social networking stuff. I mean,
Twitter recently showed us how dangerous and powerful it could be
when even a harsh totalitarian government like Iran couldn't keep
their citizens from posting about the election protests. We
won't even talk about how those crazy social-networking sites helped
swing our last presidential election. Scary, I tell ya.
I feel ya… or as my husband would say, I smell what you're
steppin' in. So, as SmoothViews resident web expert, I'm going
to help you out. I know it's too late for some of you indie
guys and gals out there. I see you working Facebook everyday,
chattin' it up, letting people know where you are playing this week,
putting videos on YouTube, offering free downloads, interacting on
a personal level with your fans. I can't help you guys if you're
going to go off and help yourselves like that. But there is
hope for the rest of you. I CAN help the rest of you stay out
of this techno-minefield, and stay firmly in the last millennia.
Without further delay, I offer you my minutes-in-the-making expert
guide on
HOW NOT TO USE THE WEB TO PROMOTE YOURSELF – free. I
care that much.
The best way to avoid promoting yourself on the web is just do nothing. But
if you feel you must have a web-presence:
- Get a website but never update anything but your tour schedule. Who
really wants to see anything else? All your fans care about
is where you are playing, right? You don't need to post news,
photos, or update your bio. You have a www.myname.com. What
else do you need? Besides, we all know that webmasters charge
way too much to keep your site updated.
- Be sure to put a sign-up form on your site to collect email addresses,
but don't bother ever sending out any email blasts. Your
fans don't have much to do. They can use Google to try to
find out what you are up to. But when times get tough, you
can always sell the list.
- Get a MySpace account but never add anything new to it. You
put the cool MySpace logo on your website and linked to your page,
right? That's really all you needed to do.
- Get a Facebook account but never promote your shows or CDs. That
place is a zoo. If you get started Facebooking, before long,
you'll be spending untold hours engaging in Mafia Wars, World Domination,
or FarmTown. Forget that thousands of people can read your
Facebook page everyday and keep up with what you are doing. It's
not worth the risk.
- Treat Facebook exclusively as a photo album. That's pretty
cutting-edge, though, so don't get carried away with it.
- Sign up on Twitter and tweet only once every month or so. I
know it only takes a couple of minutes to tweet every day, but
do your fans really want to be that involved with your life? Do
something more beneficial to your career in those five minutes. Work
a Sudoku puzzle.
- Better yet, let your peeps tweet for you. No one will know
it isn't really you.
- Never offer any free downloads on your site. Your label
will handle promoting your new CD, right? Did I say, "label"? You
still have one of those, right?
- Ignore all email from fans and media people. Who needs
that aggravation? I know, right? You have people for
that don't you?
- Install a discussion board, but never post on it. Your
fans would rather just talk amongst themselves anyway. It's
a great place to post pictures of their kids and info about other
artists. They aren't there to learn anything about you.
- Never, ever use youTube, and if for some reason, you do use it,
don't follow the instructions on how to embed the video on your
actual website. It's much better to let those crazy fans
search out your videos on their own. It gives them a sense
of accomplishment and delight when they find one.
I think we can all agree that the 1980s and 90s were good decades. Why
would anyone ever want to leave them? And you don't have to. Follow
my free guide, and you'll be able to stay there. And if you
act now, I'll throw in my bonus guide, What's an iPod,
Anyway?
