I love outdoor concerts.  I'd rather be rained on, chewed up by mosquitoes and sand flies, sit in the dirt and have my hair frizz up like a used Brillo pad than have to sit indoors in a chair craning my neck to see over the head of the tall person sitting in front of me while ushers and security guys scan the room for photographers, people who "move around too much," or who fit some profile of the person likely to rush the stage.  When it comes to smooth jazz, summer is outdoor concert season.  There are festivals in the states where it's too cold to play outside in the winter, winery gigs in California, free beachside concerts along the coast, and about any other configuration you can imagine that will get people outdoors and listening to live music.

 While there are a few places where people put on their finest clothes and sit at reserved tables sipping wine, a lot of outdoor gigs are general admission lawn seating except for a small VIP ticket area.  You can walk around, hang out with friends all over the park, stand or sit, and you don't have to dress up but in the summer heat you need to stay hydrated and that means you'll end up standing in line at the Port-O-Let.  The best reason to buy tickets to the VIP area is not because you will have access to premium food and drink or a chance to rub elbows with a musician or two.  It's because you usually have access to a real bathroom, or at least a better class of portable ones where you can actually wash your hands and check your hair.  If you have to stand in line with the rest of the throng there are several ways to handle it.  Go during the breaks like everyone else.  Take your phone and something to read, you'll be there a while.  Or you can make a run for it when the band plays a song you don't like.  The line will be shorter and artists can use this as a form of research.  If they notice a lot of people taking a bathroom break during a specific song it might be time to take it out of the set.  Especially if, say, the entire front section clears out.

If you have hair that is inclined to frizz you may want to pass on the hair checking part anyway.  I've heard stories about places where there is not much humidity but I've never lived there.  My little zone covers the Carolinas, Georgia, and Florida - places that get positively swamp like by midsummer.  There are hundreds of products available that promise sleek frizz-free hair.  A lot of them were created in Southern California where there isn't much humidity.  When you see steam rising off the parking lot after the afternoon drizzle it's a good indicator that all 15 of the products you doused your hair with will fail by the time you get your ticket scanned.  Best thing to do is just give up and hide the hair.  Stick it in a ponytail, braid it, put it under a scarf, or put a bag over your head.  You'll feel like doing that anyway when the person with a lot of shiny, perfectly straight mane inevitably steps into your line of sight and casually tosses her hair.

Bring your own food if you can.  Except for a few pricier specialty booths, festival fare is only one-step from fair food – greasy and fried, or tough, dry and skewered.  Consume enough greasy fried stuff on a hot summer day and you'll start feeling queasy and end up spending more time in the dreaded bathroom line.  Ideally you could pack some lean meat, cheese, and fruit but if you feel like junk food is more festive at least you know what is in the wings and fries you bring from home.  If you can't bring anything in do what football fans do - tailgate before the gig so you can just pick up a snack or two inside.  If you're the only group cooking in the parking lot you can tell people you're practicing for those pre-game grilling contests they have before the games in the fall.

Seating is another issue.  If you bought the VIP tickets and get an actual chair, be sure to bring a towel to wipe off the rain just in case.  That sophisticated vibe you were going for when you bought the pricey seats is going to be totally busted the first time you stand up after sitting in a wet chair.  For the general admission crowd, lawn chairs are usually allowed.  People who sit in lawn chairs love them.  People who sit behind people sitting in lawn chairs want to jab through the canvas with forks as the chair-sitters wiggle and shuffle into their comfort zone.  Bringing a lawn chair can often subject you to an extended security search, a person can get stuck in them and pull a tendon trying to stand up, or the chair can collapse.  One time I saw a lawn chair fold up on the person sitting in it, and then he and the chair tumbled to the ground and rolled over someone's cooler, which hit him in the rib and hurt a lot.  I share that warning as someone who does not do lawn chairs and often sits behind people who do. 

There are a number of alternatives to lawn chairs.  One is to sit on the ground.  If the ground is damp the above-mentioned advice about sitting in wet chairs applies.  There are products that can lift grass stains from white fabric but if you're ground-sitting blue or black are better choices than white or light pastels.  Take a quick survey of the bug population before you plop down.  I sat on an ant bed once.  The big red welts all over my legs were quite the conversation starter after the show but there are safer, easier attention grabbing tactics.  A lot of people bring blankets.  It's best not to bring your treasured hand-made quilt no matter how much you want to show it off.  That person carrying four full cups of red wine and a plate of greasy fries will zone right in on you and slosh and stumble through, so will the one with mud or worse on the bottom of their shoes.  The most practical solution is to buy a few yards of that tablecloth fabric that is vinyl on one side and fuzzy on the other.  It comes in all kinds of cheesy designs like rooster prints, hearts and flowers, cute puppies, or comforting clichés like "home is where the heart is" or "welcome friends" in flowery lettering.  It's both practical and a way to display your elegant taste.  If the ground is damp you can place the waterproof side face down, if not you can put it face up and if someone spills something just flip the area and it will throw the spill onto the white linen tablecloth the people sitting next to you are using.  If it should start to drizzle you can use it as a tarp or you can even cut it into pieces, cut a hole in each piece and you have ponchos.  All for about $3 a yard.

Speaking of bugs, today's bugs just laugh gleefully when you try to fend them off with nasty smelling sprays and citronella candles.  If you live in an area that has an active insect population you can take an arsenal of products, spend the evening swatting away or just wear a veil of mosquito netting or tulle (pronounced "tool" not "tully" thank you!) over your head.  It will look like you are either trying to relive your wedding or start a new fashion trend.  You could also bring a battery operated bug zapper.  The sizzling sound when bugs get zapped might even synch with the percussion jam in the middle of the set.  They use garden weasels and goat toenails so why not add to the repertoire.  Either way you'll be able to enjoy the music without having gnats zone in on your eyeballs.

Please wear shoes.  The casual vibe at most outdoor gigs is a real draw, but do your feet really look that great?  Besides, didn't your mom give you the "you'll get worms" scare when you were a kid?  It's true.  You'll get worms.  Not hard to cure, but you'll spend several days trying to find creative ways to scratch the bottom of your foot while your shoes are on.  Bad for the image if you've got a corporate job or work in sales.  However, if the only other way you can feel comfortable is to wear your Crocs then go ahead and fling off those shoes and dance in the grass.  You can scratch whatever you catch that itches through the holes in your Crocs in the privacy of your own home, but when it comes to going out in public Crocs trump gnarly toes, bunions and even previously broken little toes that now point straight up!  Besides, bugs can crawl through those holes.  You might as well just leave them off.

So put the Crocs back in the closet, gather your lawn chairs if you must, pack a cooler if you can, gather your friends if you have any, and get out and enjoy the music as the summer season wraps up.  In a few months a lot of you will be putting on multiple layers of clothing just to go out and get your mail.  Enjoy it while you can.

- Shannon West